My Unbelievable Climb

Two days later, I was able to breath after the many tragedies that had poured down on me all at the same time.

Five days later, feelings of discouragement and amorous vibes disappeared.

A week later, my heart started beating again at a normal pace having the many realizations of experiences and matters of moments take over my mind.

With the surrounding of warm whispers, touch of kindness and love, acts of attraction, playful laughter, and most importantly, the feeling of being cared for unexpectedly- took me by the hand and comforted my heart, soul, and mind.

My whole body surrenders and now I’ve been living like I’ve never lived before.

All because of You.

Patience is a Virtue

People hold onto patience and they live by it for several reasons. A couple reasons would be that God has a plan, waiting for the right timing, or even waiting because forcing would be a crime and allow chaos to rule.

However, when times are troubled and times get hard, patience is no longer on the top of your list of living life. So its understandable. But to live life through challenges, hardships, and troubled times, only makes you stronger as a person. Through motivation of the Lord, preserverance, and strength of ones own willpower, one may grow into the being God wants them to be.

So, be honest with yourself, live life like no other, enjoy and cherish each moment, love people, and most importantly, love yourself. Be paitient. God may put your through obstacles, but hey, there’s always a reason for everything. Nothing is an accident. Let paitience keep you in control and open your eyes and heart to what God has to offer.

Reality Dreaming

I dreamt of you again… yet, it felt so real.

I wake up. Feeling upset to the fact that my dreams were the closest to reality about you.

It’s impossible to feel what is not really there. When deep down inside your heart, your true feelings come crying out for an escape. Everyday I wake up, my thoughts start racing about the possibilities of us meeting again. No matter how desperate I get in wanting to hear your voice, I pace myself in my duties to forget. The days get closer and time gets smaller, till I see you. Until then, I hope to get the answer to my the question I wake up with every morning.

-

I heart you.

=)

It’s funny what smiles can do a person. It could be either making another pee in his/her pants, get butterflies in his/her tummy, make a person’s day, or even fall in love.

Adapting a lifestyle

Applying myself to the new atmosphere has made me realize a lot of things. I’m slowly inhaling all these experiences which adapted me into a whole new chapter in my life. Understanding life on a different perspective level has got me shocked and zapped many times. Yes. This is definitely a good thing. When I get back to my .. hmm.. new home I guess I may say? Unfortunately, I’ll be back to my old life. Hopefully by then I’ll be able to use what I’ve adapted here and bring it with me to.. um… home. However, I’m counting the days till I get home. I can’t wait. Its definitely different here and staying here, it’s actually making me homesick. On top of that, I’ve been bitten with so many mosquitos that I swear I feel like I have the chicken pox!

Here’s a shocker: My 90 year old grandpa is officially staying at the hospital. It’s quite scary seeing him weak like this.I was so use to seeing him so strong and healthy. Now, he’s fragile and weak and ill. My family and I are all so scared but praying only to where God allows him to be. I love my grandpa so much. Seeing him, standing next to him on the hospital bed, seeing all those wires attached to him, seeing how painful he is taking in all these illness and sickness, makes me want to cry. I stopped myself however, because I knew my grandpa was doing his best and all he can to stay alive. I asked him how he was doing and he said, I’m still alive. He’s adorable. Sigh. I only stand 12 inches from him and he couldn’t recognize me, nor could he hear me. He has been having many hallucinations. Sigh. What was even more heartfelt was his tears that ran down his cheek when he saw my mother and I. And so I pray…

Protected: Erica’s Journey to Adventure Part 3

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A Fight worth Fighting for.

Days go by as my heart beats slower and slower.
My breath gets shorter and shorter.
My lost of faith gets bigger and bigger.
My doubts and my worries gets stronger.
Knowing how hard it was to let go,
I still hold on to what is left of my strength.

I write every night reminding myself the word “time”.
Time will fly by..
Time will heal…
Time will allow me to reveal my self
Time will tell…
when the right ‘time’ will be.

I’m on two side of the world here.
I’m on one side of wanting to reach my goal.
Reaching out my hand toward it, yet not enough to actually reach it.
I”m on another side of wanting to take the easy way out.
While reaching my hand, I am yet pulled toward this side because of my insecurities.

I can’t have either. Yet I push myself toward to what I need in my life and those are my goals. I push myself to be stronger, yet I still have my struggles.

In the end,…

My heart will beat faster and faster for Him.
My breath will get more and more heavier. So intense, I know I’m in a different zone from where I use to be. A whole new feeling that I’ve been wanting to experience.
My faith will get bigger and stronger.
My doubts and worries will slowly get smaller and smaller…

It’ll be all worth it in the end for Him.

ALL because it was all for HIM.

Finding reasons behind a face

“What a great day it is to be walking through the streets!”, Jane told herself as the sun was shining brightly and the cool breeze blowing through her hair. Everything seemed perfect for her. She had a crazy family, yet she knew she loved them to death. She had friends who were at times flakey but she knew that they would be there for her when she really really needed them. She had a dog named Corky, who was practically like her best friend, who was at the same time, skipping along as he was walking side by side with Jane. Also, she had recently met a guy that she knew who would end up perfect for her later, but things were complicated so it was hard to determined between her and Jon. She also had a job that kept her constantly busy. Most of the time it would drive her insane but she knew she had a passion for wanting to continue working at this job that made her 30 grand a year, so she was happy.

About to walk past the coffee shop, she immediately stopped and decided to grab a cup of coffee. Her favorite was White Mocha with Fat Free milk with an extra expresso in it. That made her day. If things got stressful, coffee would do the trick for Jane. Sitting outside the coffee shop, she began examining everything else around her beside Corky that began to play dead out of no where. She looked to the left of her, an old couple standing side by side as they are both acknowledging the craft store and its many creative attractions in front of them. “..Sigh, Corky, I hope one day I’ll be as happy as them. I wonder how they found each other.” She looks a little to the left side of the old couple, she sees a mother tickling her child and making him laugh. “… That’s adorable. I can’t wait to have kids, yet I dont want any.” Corky, comes back on its feet and looks at her and then just tilts it’s head. Jane turns to her right, she sees a stray cat pouncing around the sidewalk, trying to catch a bee. Then Jane turns a little of the left side of the cat and notices two infatuated people in love, holding hands, boyfriend grabbing his girlfriend from behind. Jane told Corky, “Corky? I know this must sound strange, but I’m a little jealous of everyone.. and I think I’m starting to be a bit depressed.” Corky barks and and jumps on her leg and starts tapping her leg. “Thanks Corky, I know you could see what I’m seeing. I’m twenty seven years old, working like a maniac, dealing with stress that is terribly unneccessary, and I dont really have anyone close to me than you.” Corky starts pouting and lays his head down. “..no no.. you know I love you Corky, I’m human and at times I could get pretty lonely.” Corky licks her hand. Jane smiles.

Jane looks up in front of her and notices a girl sitting on a bench in a park across from her. Jane didn’t want to be rude and stare at her but she started getting a vibe from this girl on loneliness as well. Her eyes droopy, her skin so pale, her clothes didn’t match, her hair was was not in place. “She must be having a bad day, I hope she is alright.”

Looking at this girl, made Jane ponder about what this girl may be feeling. Jane had a sense of wanting to feel for this girl because of the strong energy vibe she was receiving from this girl already. So therefore, she started pondering. Watching this girl sit on this bench, also staring at nothing but into space seemed so interesting to Jane. It looked like she was staring at Jane too but Jane started waving and she didn’t move a bit. Her eyes didn’t blink. This girl seemed lost and probably felt lonely. At the same time, she seemed confused and scared. .. As if she had lost something that once filled her. But then Jane remembers that she doesn’t really know this girl but only from what she sees and thinks of this girl. So then, Jane starts to think about how badly she must have lost herself. She must’ve lost her soul or maybe it could be something that must have caused her to lose her soul. Jane wasn’t sure. She looked tired, restless, dazed, and even looked hopeless. Jane wasn’t sure again what must be going on with her but she knows that whatever that must’ve’ caused that girls life to make her like that, must’ve threw her off completely.
Jane turned away for a second because she’d thought someone called her name but no one was around that seemed like they were calling her. She turned back to look at the girl. The girl is gone…

Jane was a bit confused but knew once again that whatever had happened to that girl, she knew she’d be okay sooner or later. Jane got corky and started walking back home and thought to herself how thankful she was to have her life and hope that that girl will one day find herself.

Only Him will I trust.

Looking back at the past,
I’ve overcome so much pain
looking for answers
in which never came.

Searching for answers,
through people,
relationships,
through self-help books,
through strangers,
through what the eyes see,
yet, still not answer.

Lost due to the lack of understanding.
Confused due to the experiences.
Hurt due to the way life was.

Not anymore.

Realizing the strength achieved,
the goals accomplished so far,
through people,
relationships,
through self-help books,
through strangers,
through what the eyes see,
Answers came…

To not how life is but
how one must pursue life,
through pain,
hurt, preserverance,
and
motivation of oneself
for the future..

and for Him.

Through prayer and strength,

I seek in Him.

Fantasy Nightmare

The skies look dull.
No color and plain gray.
Air feeling humid.
Sitting still unconsciously
Thoughts of pain creep up
from behind me and
into my soul.

Hope is all lost.
Dark cloud hoovering over me.
The mind going crazy.
With only the thought
of having to choose-

destinations.

Insanity takes over.
Huddling in the corner
Ears start to bleed by
the noise of a recorder.
Covering ears and yelling
with screams of anger and
vulgar words.

Finding myself on a cliff.
Trying not to look down.
I close my eyes and
imagine what my life would be like
if I didn’t fall off this cliff.

With a quick cold chill, a strong wind brushes against my back.

I open my eyes.

I’m falling.

and falling

and falling.

I can’t help but smile because all the problems are now gone.

and…

(Gasp)

I awake by a sudden thump on my floor.

Only discovering, I’m awake and alive.
Only a dream.
Sudden goosebumps crawling up my skin.
Heart slowly coming down to a regular pace.
Feelings of sadness thrown upon myself.
Knowing that …
You’ve got to deal with problems…

the hard way.